July Goals? What Goals?

July went by so fast that I didn’t even write a July Goals blog post. This isn’t my best work but at this point, I don’t care as long as I publish something.

🅹🆄🅻🆈 🆆🅰🆂 🅽🅾🆃🅷🅸🅽🅶 🅱🆄🆃 🅳🆁🅾🆄🅶🅷🆃.

This is an old photo from a few summers ago. Photo is my own.

Sorry I was AFK.

I spent a lot of time away from my laptop. Most of my time was devoted to caring for my kids and the neighbors’ children. Whenever the neighbors’ kids visit, it’s essentially a party at my house. I’ve tried to discourage this because it’s exhausting, and the other moms are exhausted too. I don’t want this blog post to sound like a rant, but I’m in a bad mood. You have been warned.

The Mental Struggle

Being a mom is hard and it’s even harder trying to find the time to sit down and write a blog post. Also, I am beginning to think that my used iPhone 14 hates me. Apps don’t work like they should which is incredibly frustrating, especially when I need that phone for blogging. I really don’t know what’s going on with this phone and I am in the process of waiting to get a replacement. The only problem is that it could take several months since I bought this phone used from a reputable third party store.

The Physical Struggle

Lastly, we had a drought lasting the whole month of July and nothing but hot temps averaging above 30°C every damn day. I did go to the Calgary Stampede this year but didn’t take photos this time. It was a different experience, being able to fully immerse myself in the festivities without the distraction of capturing every moment through a lens. Additionally, I started walking again to maintain an active lifestyle, but the relentless heat has been taking a toll on my energy levels. The scorching sun seems never-ending, making it challenging to enjoy outdoor activities. Hopefully, the forecast will bring some relief soon, as we desperately need rain to alleviate the dry spell. As I don’t have AC in my house so the persistent heat has been quite taxing, leaving me feeling irritable and uncomfortable.

The Emotional Struggle

As you probably know by now, my mental health isn’t the greatest and I am struggling with some stuff that is emotionally draining. I want to talk about it, but I am afraid of sharing too much personal information on here regarding this subject which isn’t really anyone’s business other than my own. I just wish I had someone to talk to because it feels oh so lonely. Also, while I am on the subject of mental health, I am very worried that the custom bridesmaid dress I ordered won’t fit. I leave for Ontario at the end of August, which leaves no time to prepare for my friend’s wedding in September. These are the things that keep me up at night, along with worrying about the unforeseen future.

🅿🅴🆁🆂🅾🅽🅰🅻 🅶🆁🅾🆆🆃🅷 🆃🅷🆁🅾🆄🅶🅷 🆂🅴🅻🅵-🆁🅴🅵🅻🅴🅲🆃🅸🅾🅽.

Image source: https://wallpaper.mob.org

The Struggle IS Real!

I find myself still struggling to accept and love myself as body dysmorphia has been a real issue this year. I dislike the way I look, which is mainly why I haven’t taken photos, and now I can’t even hide behind the filtered ones because Snapchat doesn’t work on my phone (I’ll save that for another blog post), which leaves me feeling very vulnerable. The custom dress I ordered is due to arrive mid-August, and I am beyond scared to try it on. I ordered a size slightly smaller because that was the size I was at the beginning of July. Somehow, I let my exercise routine slip, stopped exercising completely, and started drinking diet drinks, which caused me to gain weight. Lesson learned: stay away from diet soda and artificial sweeteners!

I am back to getting 10,000 steps a day and let me tell you, it is hard. I spend most of my days outside walking, and I force myself to go outside in this heat so I get Vitamin D from the sun. My mental health is not good at all, so I need all the help I can get from mother nature, despite it being so hot outside. There are days when I want to quit, but then I remember how easy it is to gain weight if I quit. I am way too hard on myself, but at the same time, I have to be because I am not happy where I am right now. It is incredibly frustrating to never be satisfied with the present moment. Sometimes, I find myself wishing that I could just accept where I am and what I have achieved. I long for the ability to appreciate the progress I have made, to celebrate the small victories instead of always focusing on the next goal. It is a constant struggle to silence the inner critic and embrace self-compassion. I hope that one day I can find peace within myself and cultivate a more positive relationship with my journey. 🧘✨


(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ FINAL THOUGHTS ♥

If I did anything right during the month of July, I leaned more towards basic living and started spending more time with myself. Although I didn’t really create anything, if at all, during the month of July, I cut back a lot on consuming content. Yes, I still watch a lot of YouTube videos, but I use it mainly for educational purposes. I still need to cut back on Twitter/𝕏 as I find myself using that app way too much. Spending time in nature has probably been one of the best antidotes for depression, and during that time, I like to listen to spiritual podcasts on iTunes.

The second best antidote for my well-being and overall health has been diving into the world of cooking and baking nourishing meals using fresh, real ingredients instead of relying on inflammatory, ultra-processed foods. It’s a journey of gradual improvement, as I continue to reduce my intake of junk food, acknowledging that it’s a work in progress. I’ve moved past denial and accepted that I made a few slip-ups in July. Believe me, I’ve experienced firsthand the negative impact that junk food has on my body. 😖

For those following me on Twitter/𝕏, I’m still active there, sharing my current hobbies and interests. If you have an account, feel free to follow me, and I’ll follow you back! I’m also open to DMs. Twitter/𝕏 is where I feel comfortable expressing my thoughts daily. I am still trying to cut back on social media, but you can still find me tweeting about something. You can follow me using the link below:

♡ Quick Link: https://mobile.twitter.com/serene_hilz

Thanks for stopping by! ♥

8 thoughts on “July Goals? What Goals?

  1. Poorwa says:
    Poorwa's avatar

    Sometimes it’s good to take a break from work/blogging, in that spare time we can enjoy our daily life activities that bring us peace.
    I hope August will be a better month 💗

    • Hilary Tan says:
      Hilary Tan's avatar

      Thank you, Poorwa! Hopefully August will be better. I banged my head at the beginning of August and have a bruise/hematoma above my eyebrow now. It hurts really bad but I’m hoping it goes away soon. I’m taking things slowly and doing what I can even if it doesn’t feel like much. We still have a drought and hot temps. Last night, we had thunderstorm but hardly any rain. I remain hopeful that we will get some rain soon. ☔️

      Today (Aug 4th) happens to be my birthday. It’s a quiet, relatively uneventful day so far. I have my toddler with me so I took him to run some errands today and got him a donut. He’s happy, so I’m happy. 🍩💕

      Thanks for your lovely comment!! May August be a better month for you as well!! 🌻

      • Poorwa says:
        Poorwa's avatar

        Thank you!

        I’m sorry to hear that you got hurt, I hope it heals up quickly and you guys get some rain soon too 💙

        And happy birthday, Hilary! I wish you a great year ahead. Things might be tough right now, but hope is a beautiful thing isn’t it? Keep enjoying your daily life moments that make you happy 💞

  2. Julie says:
    Julie's avatar

    Please be kinder to yourself. I tell myself that every day especially on days where I lay down on the couch as soon as I finish cooking dinner and serving a plate to my kid. I don’t mind if she carries her plate to the couch and watches TV, as long as she lets me rest my mind. Here’s to a good August. Though I’ve missed a few regular posts lately, I don’t give myself a hard time. I usually write a few minutes a day — like probably 20 minutes a day to draft. I don’t aim for finished work, just as long as I set the time to write like an exercise.

  3. Pepper Valentine says:
    Pepper Valentine's avatar

    Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling and feel alone. I can relate to feeling that way because I get in a similar headspace too. If you need someone to talk to, I’m always around. You can DM me on Twitter anytime if that works for you. Hang in there momma, you’re doing great!

    • Hilary Tan says:
      Hilary Tan's avatar

      Thank you so much for offering your DM space to me. That means so much to me because I love DM’ing people who are safe to DM (aka online friend). Makes me happy knowing that I can reach out to you…I will take you up on that one of these days.

      It was a long week when my husband was away and I did struggle. I haven’t even written an August goals blog post yet because my mood is “what’s the point?” it’s not a good place to be and I want to write a blog post, I really do. Hopefully one of these days I can find the energy to do so.

  4. Maggie says:
    Maggie's avatar

    I’m really tired of how quickly electronics die/start acting old. It’s not cool at all 😭 I thought my Apple Watch was a goner when it died after a few hours of wear, but then acted fine the next day 🤣
    I’ve been trying to figure out recently how much I want to share about my personal life online. I want to share enough to be relatable and enjoy chatting about my life, but not so much that I’m over sharing 😂 I haven’t found a good balance yet.

  5. hellosamanthadear says:
    hellosamanthadear's avatar

    I hope things have gotten better for you since this post!! 💖 I’m glad the summer heat is over, as the cooler temperatures are a welcome relief! Hopefully you’re more comfortable now with the weather. I also hope your friend’s wedding was a lovely time last month! That’s great that you’ve spent more time with yourself and are exploring fresh cooking – and time in nature! Those are always great ways of feeling better. 🙌🏼 (Also, love the photo of your baby! So cute!!)

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