“Whatever this is, wherever this takes me, I will find my own way, one step at a time.” —nonsensical quote by Me, Myself, and I
COVID-19 has long extended its stay and it is starting to affect my life in a negative way. First, here is a quick update as to why I disappeared from the blogging sphere. I went back to school in mid September and I have been busy with 13hr-clinical shifts at the hospital. Days when I am not there, I am at home catching up on sleep. Things were going smoothly up until last week, when I was told to isolate for 14+ days as the unit is officially on coronavirus watch. I do not know what this entails except that I have been out of school for almost a week now with no return date in sight.
I do not like leaving my fate in someone else’s hands. 2019 and 2020 taught me to take control of my own life, where I started taking accountability and responsibility for all of my actions and fuck-ups. In this case, however, I am challenged by uncertainty and I do not like that. Skipping school, regardless of whether they are day shifts or graveyard shifts, feels wrong to me. Also, nobody else seems bothered by the fact that I am supposed to be at clinical right now, and yet here in my pajamas, frittering my life away. Am I taking life too seriously? Is my neurosis out of control? I am halfway through final semester and yet my hands are tied behind my back. I cannot move, as if I am a chess piece being cornered by the most obnoxious opponent ever. I am looking at you, COVID-19. And I do not want to play this game anymore.
We Are All Fine. Except We Aren’t Fine.
Is this depression? No, I know what depression feels like. Honestly, I do not know how to describe this empty feeling that I have been dealing with lately. I am sure that many of you have also been negatively impacted by the pandemic, whether it is directly or indirectly. Tell me, how are you coping with the pandemic? Are you fine? Because I am not fine. I think it is time that we stop convincing ourselves that this way of life is supposed to our new “normal.” Because this is NOT a normal way to live, people. All it takes is one covidiot to wreck havoc on someone’s semester, career etc. And this is the exception where I refuse to take accountability and responsibility for something that is completely out of my control.
In the meantime, my family and I are doing everything we can to stay healthy during these unprecedented times. People often tell me that they feel unsafe and overwhelmed that others aren’t following the rules. I remind them that we cannot control how other people think, act or behave. Instead of focusing on things that we cannot control, we would be better off focusing on more productive things. There is no reason to fear things like in-store grocery shopping for instance. Back in the day, online shopping did not exist during pandemics and people managed just fine. Do not fear grocery stores and malls – just do your due diligence by wearing a mask, washing your hands, and practicing social distancing. Use common sense and you should be fine.
So now, I guess we play the waiting game and hope for the best 🤷♀️ In the meantime, I will be eagerly waiting for updates regarding school and how to proceed from here. I also plan to update you about my personal life in a future blog post but it is still too early to disclose any details yet. Today I feel like a hot mess as I sip my Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha, but I do not care. There is nowhere else to go. There is nothing else to do except wait and see what the future holds. This time, I am leaving my fate up to the Universe.
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