Tag: motherhood

And Then There Were Four

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May was another busy month for me. I ditched my daily habit tracker which I now realize was a mistake. That journal thing was useful and I was actually crushing big goals when I was using it consistently. My life is a mess without any kind of schedule or normality. Everything in my life is different now – new home, new baby, new location (sort of….) bigger family (totally not used to a family of 4!), and new plans. Some readers even asked about my disappearance on WP and if I was okay – your concerns really touched me. Thank you! 💕 I just wish that there was more time to write/blog.

Re-grounding Myself Again 🌱

I also wanted to update you on my whereabouts. Up until the beginning of June, I was temporarily working full-time from home. We were also in the process of packing and moving to a new home. On May 20, 2021, I went to my appointment as planned, only to find myself in the L&D triage unit at the hospital later that day. I had abnormally high blood pressure a.k.a. gestational hypertension + fluid retention, so they wanted to rule out some things, like preeclampsia. I am grateful for the knowledge I gained from nursing school because I knew what signs and symptoms to monitor throughout this pregnancy. That being said, I became concerned during the final weeks of pregnancy when my BP remained consistently high, which is abnormal for someone who typically has low blood pressure. Ultimately, childbirth was the best solution to quickly alleviate my gestational hypertension.

On May 21, 2021 at 4:48am, Baby Aaron was born weighing 7lbs 1oz, and measuring 20.5 inches. He had some mild jaundice (more medical jargon, see photos below ↓) but the jaundice went away on its own and he didn’t need blue-light therapy. Most of this pregnancy was fairly straight-forward and uncomplicated up until the very end, the delivery went smoothly despite dreading childbirth the most, and Aaron is a healthy baby boy. His big sister welcomed him with open arms! ❤

Rebecca and Baby Aaron
A jaundiced Baby Aaron, 1 day old
A sleepy neonate. He will be 1-month old on June 21, 2021 🐵

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ FINAL THOUGHTS ♥

I am keeping this blog post short and sweet because honestly, I am not in the mood to write today. I am trying to write a blog post in the presence of others and the words aren’t flowing the way I would like them to – and good writing cannot be forced. I haven’t even touched my personal laptop in weeks which I mostly use for WordPress, but I consider it rude to spend hours blogging when we have company over. Also, my phone needs a major upgrade which I don’t see happening any time soon (it barely holds a charge), so I haven’t felt motivated to brainstorm blog post ideas, write rough drafts on my phone, or capture life’s precious moments. Perhaps it is time to revisit that habit tracker journal yet again, before I become a lazy potato.

Thanks for stopping by! ❤

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S.L.E.E.P.S. 7-Day Challenge | Day 5

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Firstly, I want to thank everyone for visiting this blog. Without your support, I wouldn’t have had the motivation or energy to blog consistently. I am amazed that you want to read about the musings of my fantastical life as a nursing student, wife, and mother. If you are new here, this blog is not only focused on personal growth and development but it also highlights the typical struggles of a 20-something Millennial. My goal is to connect with people who may also be dealing with similar issues. I want you to know that you are not alone in this world. And it is okay if you don’t agree with my values and beliefs. To each their own.   

Secondly, if you would like to read about the S.L.E.E.P.S. 7-day challenge, feel free to keep calm and read on. You can find my first posting here. This challenge was originally mentioned on a podcast called Operation Self Reset. The purpose of this challenge is to document personal progress, crush goals, and conquer fears over the duration of 7 consecutive days. Here is the breakdown from Day 1:

The acronym is S.L.E.E.P.S.
S – Smile: what made you smile yesterday?
L – Learn: what did you learn today?
E – Exercise: how did you exercise?
E – Execute (x4): what are your goals and what are you doing to achieve them?
P – Phone call: who did you call/text today? Show them gratitude.
S – Smile: what made you smile today?

Day 5~ May 22, 2018 

S – I have tried convincing friends to blog, especially those who may feel stuck in life, suffer from depression, and/or possess creative writing potential. Personally, writing is very therapeutic for me and it has helped me untangle many complex thoughts that would have otherwise continued to make me depressed and hold me back from challenging the unknown. Last night, I tried convincing a friend to blog again and today, she told me that she wrote a new blog post. I am happy that she took my advice and I hope that she continues to write more often.

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L – What did I learn today? Where to locate the lost and found. When you are as forgetful as I am, it is important to be able to solve your own problems. The lost and found didn’t have my computer mouse, but I ended up finding it nonetheless. It turns out that kind souls really do exist! My husband was less than amused since he was so adamant that I needed to welcome modern technology into my life. During the long weekend, he even jumped on the opportunity to convince me to buy a brand new mouse. First, there was one mouse. Then, there were two mice. Gosh, I’m turning into a hoarder! 😱

E – Lots and lots of walking. I’m less lazy this semester because it is summer. Actually, I am less lazy because waiting for the bus while the sun beating down on me is actually worse than walking to campus. We didn’t even get to enjoy spring this year. I wasn’t prepared for these drastic temperature changes and I’m still trying to adjust to the unpredictable weather here.

E –  The week has been one big blur so far:
(1) What am I doing again? Not homework, obviously.
(2) Yeah, I’m not filling this out today.

P – I called the in-laws today and Rebecca is adjusting well. She’s a very independent 18-month old and I think she bypassed the shyness stage that most toddlers experience. Also, she’s very comfortable around people so I’m confident that she will enjoy staying with her grandparents. I’m also trying to set up a Skype date with a friend but it’s very difficult to arrange. We have very busy schedules and I am terrible at initiating social events. Sometimes, being extremely introverted which borderlines #hermit-life is safer than being a social butterfly.

S – I am grateful for my health *knock on wood.* Last semester, I became very sick near the beginning of the semester. I encountered a couple of sick people today and had to sanitize my hands 10 times. Are they unaware of herd immunity? Please do us a favor and stay home if you are sick. In terms of stress, this week is like the calm before the storm. I don’t know what I should be doing or studying right now. It is difficult for me to stay focused on anything without a visualized plan. Am I about to face another wave of depression or am I drowning in an ocean of uncertainty?

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Is this really what depression feels like? Sometimes I feel like I am drowning underwater. Source: http://i.ntere.st/a/170318124/p

Will you join me on this 7-day challenge? Please leave a comment below ↓ and feel free to leave a link to your blog if you decide to join me. I would love to read about your S.L.E.E.P.S. Let’s spread some love while crushing our goals!

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S.L.E.E.P.S. 7-Day Challenge | Day 4

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Today is Day 4 of the 7-Day S.L.E.E.P.S. challenge! Ahhhh! I almost forgot to write an update because I was too immersed in my errands. That being said, today was quite adventurous for me. I finally took the 3 km hike to MCDs. There was a trail to follow alongside the busy highway. Even though there was lots of traffic at 9am in the morning, the view was very scenic. The sun was shining, it wasn’t too hot but warm enough that I didn’t need a jacket, and the grass was green. However, there was one disturbing thing that I saw below the bridge. I saw what appeared to be an empty backpack with clothes that were scattered on the grass next to it, but there was nobody in sight. It made me think very disturbing thoughts. Was someone abducted? Murdered? *shivers*

If you would like to read about the S.L.E.E.P.S. 7-day challenge, you can find my first posting here. This challenge was originally mentioned on a podcast called Operation Self Reset. The purpose of this challenge is to document personal progress, crush goals, and conquer fears over the duration of 7 consecutive days. Here is the breakdown from Day 1:

The acronym is S.L.E.E.P.S.
S – Smile: what made you smile yesterday?
L – Learn: what did you learn today?
E – Exercise: how did you exercise?
E – Execute (x4): what are your goals and what are you doing to achieve them?
P – Phone call: who did you call/text today? Show them gratitude.
S – Smile: what made you smile today?

Day 4 ~ May 21, 2018 

S – Last night, I listened to some self-help podcasts (thank you, Leo Gura, from http://www.actualized.org) while I cleaned the apartment and worked on my upcoming lecture notes for the week. I had a very lonely evening last night and couldn’t help but cry. It was just one of those depressing nights where the world seems to be turning but your world stands still. Whenever I feel this way, the last place I want to be is on social media so I avoid it like the plague.

When I am feeling sad, one thing that helps me feel better is the WordPress blogging community. Most of my readers and fellow bloggers live on the opposite side of the world so they are usually awake when I should be asleep. It is nice being able to vent about my problems to people who are experiencing similar hardships. Even though this community exists online, I am grateful to have encountered some wonderful people in this blogging community! 💖

Thankful-quote-hd-wallpaper-2015.jpgL – I learned that I can do more than one thing in a day lol After the refreshing walk to MCDs and back, I had the energy to bus to the nearby lame mall again. There, I ended up running some errands that I had put off last week. I also forgot to eat breakfast and lunch today.🤷‍♀️ I also forgot to eat dinner but today I am not hungry, and when I am not hungry, I don’t force myself to eat.

E – I think we covered this one for today. This also fits under Learn: I learned that I am very capable of getting bikini body ready for the end of summer/early fall. It won’t happen right away but I am not far from reaching my goal. The weight is coming off naturally ever since I gave up junk food. It may only be 10 lbs that I need to lose because I am a small person, but getting toned is what I am working on right now. Today, I feel like I got a solid workout from walking and carrying 5 heavy bags of groceries back home. That’s called weightlifting, my friend.

E – Here are my plans for tonight/tomorrow:
(1) Prepare meals for tomorrow
(2) Pack everything and try not to forget anything
(3) Does my hair smell? No. Well, have a shower anyway
(4) Make a document with due dates because I dunno wtf is happening anymore

P – I was planning to call the in-laws but they were at their cottage today. My mother had to tell me to call them because it didn’t cross my mind to do it myself. Does this forgetfulness make me a bad mother because I didn’t think to ask how my daughter is doing? I know that Rebecca is well taken care of and that she’s probably having way more fun at the cottage than she would be having at home. Here are some photos that they sent me and I wanted to share them with you!

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My baby girl is hundreds of miles away but she doesn’t seem too upset. Here, she is enjoying the sunshine at the in-laws’ cottage.

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Baby Becca has always had a love for shoes! She’s going to be a shoe lover when she grows up…. just like her “nan” (my mother)

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I love this photo so much! ❤️ I didn’t have this toy car as a kid and always wanted one. They look like so much fun! ❤️

S – I am happy that I have a new laptop mouse that is easy to use, that my daughter had a good day at the cottage and that my husband made it safely home. My husband and I are not living together right now (we both live in separate provinces with no family) but he is working on getting transferred here. I miss him and my baby girl a lot, and the way I cope is through nursing school. Nursing school keeps me on my feet and it is very fast pace, so I have no time to feel sorry for myself. I’m not sure if this coping mechanism is healthy or not, but having a blog where I can express my feelings when I am feeling vulnerable helps me feel better.

Will you join me on this 7-day challenge? Please leave a comment below ↓ and feel free to leave a link to your blog if you decide to join me. I would love to read about your S.L.E.E.P.S. Let’s spread some love while crushing our goals!

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Unsolicited Baby Advice

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There is no easy way to handle unwanted baby advice, especially from a family member whom you simply cannot avoid. Unless I ask for advice on parenting, I do not want your opinions shoved in my face. I cannot tell you how many times someone has given me “the talk” about how to properly parent. Worst case is when they give me a lecture on how I don’t properly parent. Headphones in. Volume up. Ignore the world.

Well, I’m not ignoring my baby of course. It’s all of the unsolicited opinions from people who rub me the wrong way. Sometimes, strangers or former friends/acquaintances would walk up to me and comment on my daughter’s appearance in an ignorant manner as if I didn’t already know. Some days I rather not leave the house than be forced to interact with people. In a future blog post, I will talk about this in more detail.

Recently, I have been avoiding family members on the phone because every time they call, I get some kind of lecture. It has gotten to the point where I have the temptation to hang up on people. Lately, I would check caller display to see who is calling. Then I would debate whether or not I’m going to talk to them, and several times I ended up ignoring the call. Last time when I visited my grandmother, she proceeded to give me unwanted advice, and her negativity made me cry. I was an emotional wreck then and still am now, but that was my breaking point. After that visit, I proceeded to ignore her phone calls and attempted to write her a letter instead.

Thought I would share my letter with you like I did in Weeding Out Toxic Friends. Names I won’t disclose so we’ll just refer to her as grandmother*. I have yet to hear whether she received my letter in the mail. I am curious to know what you think of my actions in the comments section↓. Am I being extreme or were my actions necessary?

Dear Grandmother*,

           I am writing to you because I know that you don’t use email and I am not ready to talk on the phone yet. I’m not sure what my mother has been telling you, but take it from me rather than from her. Lately, I have been in a very confusing and difficult place, thus forcing me to leave social media and “cut” some toxic people out of my life. I had cut the toxic people, so that is one step forward. When people ask me how I am doing, I do not know how to answer that question.

          Yes, on the surface I am a new mom and probably a naive one too. However, I am dealing with things that none of my friends or family is dealing with, so I ask that people keep their “thoughtful” opinions to themselves. As a new mom, I know what I am doing and I am getting some of the best guidance from an experienced guy who knows how to handle babies. He has taught me a lot and has made me confident enough to handle tasks on my own. Although you may be trying to give me advice, I do not want anyone’s advice unless I ask for it. Do not take it personally, but any negativity isn’t welcome nor do I want it. If I have questions, I ask my mother since she seems to enjoy keeping tabs on my life and current whereabouts. The stuff that I tell you and others is just a mere glimpse of my life, so any judgments based on these facts are inaccurate and bluntly speaking, seldom true. I do not need guidance, or advice on how to live my life. I also do not need people telling me what I should be doing or could be doing rather than what I am currently doing. As a resolution, I made a promise to myself to live in the present moment and do what I think is the right choice at this present time. It may not be the most logical choice however, but if it feels right to me then I am going to listen to what my heart wants.

          I am here if you want to talk to me. There is no need to question our friendship. Truth is, you are my favorite grandmother and I feel closer to you than my own mother when it comes to personal issues. Lately, my mother has been trying to get closer to me because of the distance separating us, but we cannot live together long term. [rest of the letter has been omitted for personal reasons]. 

Love, Hilary ♥