6 Subtle Signs of Loneliness

(っ◔V◔)っSerious Question: Do You Struggle with Loneliness?

𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑒.

Photo by Clément Falize on Unsplash

It is never good to be lonely and it can even lead to feeling vulnerable. There are times when you may feel like you don’t need anyone, even though we all need people around us. I know how it feels and I want to reassure you that you’re not alone.

You might not be aware of how lonely you are. People have different ways of showing the warning signs, but if you ever have the sense that you’re lonely, it is best to deal with it as soon as possible. Knowing these early warning signs can help prevent feelings of isolation. Here are 6 signs to help you determine if you are struggling with loneliness.

Disclaimer: The same article can be found on Medium, but is behind a paywall. If you are still interested in checking it out, then you can do so by clicking on the following link:

♡ Medium Article: 6 Subtle Signs of Loneliness

6 Subtle Signs of Loneliness

1. You often feel bored.

Do you often feel lonely and bored? Do you have days where you have nothing to do and no one to hang out with? Is your social life a little dull?

It may surprise you to know that these feelings are not uncommon. Humans are social beings whose brains are designed for connection. People need connection and it doesn’t matter if we’re trying to connect with friends, family, or strangers. But if you don’t have many friends or if you’re not close to the ones you have, your life may start becoming monotonous. You spend every day doing tasks by yourself, eating meals alone, and scrolling through your phone without really paying attention to it. In this case, the boredom you feel could mean that you’re feeling lonely.

2. You have nobody to lean on.

Who do you have in your life who can support you during tough times? Do you have a friend that is always there for you to talk about what’s bothering you over the phone or in person?

Imagine that you had a long day that has gone from bad to worse. You finally get home and your mind is still racing. You want to speak with someone about how you are feeling but don’t want to overwhelm them with your problems. You reach for your phone and scroll through the contacts, but you are unable to find even one person who would understand how you feel. Who do you call if you’re having trouble finding someone to talk to? Not only are you feeling stressed but you’re struggling with loneliness too.

Loneliness is not just about not being able to find someone to spend time with. It’s about not having a close friend that you can talk to, who can help you sort out the bad things that happen in your life. You might have people you see at work or school or neighbors with whom you talk about the weather. However, it’s also essential to have someone who will be there for you when things get tough.

Photo by lilartsy on Unsplash

3. You overshare when someone gives you the time of day.

Do you speak quickly when you’re having a conversation? Do you speak in great detail, sharing lots of personal information that you might regret later?

Oversharing is another sign of loneliness. Lonely people might talk a lot just to fill the void, but not necessarily in person where they could connect with others. People have a deep social need to connect and when we finally find someone who listens, it can be hard to restrain our thoughts. The sudden outpouring of all that pent-up loneliness can often be overwhelming for both parties.

4. You are jealous of others having a good time.

How do you feel when you see a group of friends hanging out and you weren’t invited? How do you feel when you see all those pictures on social media of people having fun? Do you feel indifferent or does it make you feel jealous?

If you are currently feeling lonely and left out, know that it is normal to want to spend time hanging out with friends rather than being alone. And even if nobody talks about it openly, it is obvious that many people share the same desire—nobody likes to feel left out. As a result, it wouldn’t surprise me that the fear of missing out (aka. FOMO) is directly related to this natural human desire to feel included.

5. You distract yourself with self-care activities.

Yes, you read that correctly! But please hear me out on this. If you find yourself constantly distracted by things that make you feel good, such as warm baths, bath bombs, or a hot cup of coffee, but your ambitions or goals aren’t being fulfilled, then maybe this is a sign that you are craving comfort. There is nothing inherently wrong with self-care, but consider how much time (and money) you invest in these activities daily.

A while ago, I published an article on this blog, with self-care ideas that are free or inexpensive. Why not take a look and see if you can find anything that would be helpful to you?

♡ Related Article: Affordable Self-Care Ideas

6. You compensate by shopping and hoarding things.

Do you enjoy shopping a little too much? Does your home have an excessive amount of clutter? Do you feel like you can’t stop yourself from shopping and don’t know why?

As children, we find a sense of security and emotional support in our favorite teddy bears and blankets. When we feel unsafe as adults, it can be satisfying to buy our way back to safety. When we are feeling lonely, for instance, buying items that make us feel safe and protected can become addictive. We want things like clothes, trinkets, and jewelry that make us feel like the world knows we exist, even though they don’t actually solve the underlying problem. Being attached to objects might be an attempt to compensate for the loneliness you feel.

👉You might be feeling lonely at the moment, but don’t let that get to you. Here are a few things you can do to start feeling better:

  1. Talking to someone can help you open up about what you’re going through. Whether you prefer professional therapy or just want to talk to your family and friends, they must know how they can help.
  2. Engaging in social activities like volunteering or joining a sports club are all good ways of socializing with others and keeping a healthy mind.
  3. Taking care of our bodies is vital. It applies to both mental and physical health and ensures that we can live with a sense of quality in our lives. Drink plenty of water, get outside for some sun rays, and try to get your blood pumping!

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ FINAL THOUGHTS ♥

It is natural to feel lonely at some point, but don’t let it get you down. Reach out to friends, or try other creative ways to meet new people and make connections. Remember that you are not alone in how you feel and there are so many people who are going through the same challenges as you. You can ask for help and support when things get tough and it is okay to talk about how you’re feeling.

Did any of these points resonate with you? Let me know by joining the conversation below ↓ Feel free to share this article with anyone who might be struggling with loneliness.

Thanks for stopping by! ❤

31 thoughts on “6 Subtle Signs of Loneliness

  1. ZeroSpace says:

    Hilary, this is very well written. (Hug). Sometimes a person can self isolate so much that they don’t register loneliness the same way other people do. Before recently I was single for 12 years and developed a sort of tolerance for it. Now that I am not single, that tolerance has gone down a d this week I went to my partner’s house quite a bit even though I wasn’t feeling well and would typically respond by self isolating. I’ve lost my tolerance for it a bit!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you so much for the compliment! That really means a lot coming from you. 🤗 As a teenager I convinced myself that I was fine being single (was single for 21 years, didn’t date at all), that I didn’t need anyone else, and that I would get by my own my own. It’s definitely possible to live this way, but I realize now that it probably wasn’t good for my mental health and wellbeing.

      Btw, as of today, WP doesn’t notify me when someone likes or comments and I’m not sure why. Maybe this is punishment for me not renewing the WP plan yet. It wouldn’t surprise me tbh.

      Liked by 3 people

      • ZeroSpace says:

        Sweetheart, you’re still young. This comment that you were single for 21 years cracks me up. Assuming that you’re about 32 (I can’t remember, I think I am pretty close because I remember you being about my niece’s age), this means you are including singlehood during your childhood and very young adolescence 😂. I don’t think the first 15 or so years count for anyone 💕 However, I do get your larger point and I agree with you. I relate in a way, because I didn’t “date” until 20 years of age. Yeah, it’s a puzzle, because people get unwell and want to isolate, but too much isolation is dangerous.
        Oh man, it sounds like the wordpress gremlins are up to no good.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Hilary Tan says:

        I am 31 so your guess was very close! Haha I guess as a baby it makes sense to be single and yes, it would be a bit concerning if the first 15 years counted 😛 To clarify, I didn’t start dating until I was 21.

        The WordPress gremlins still haven’t solved the issue. I tried logging back in and still no luck. I’m not getting a single notification on this blog post (pun intended). Are you having this issue with your blog posts or is it just me?

        Liked by 2 people

      • ZeroSpace says:

        Not sure if it’s just you, but I don’t seem to be having the issue. The only issue I am having is that sometimes it won’t let me like posts. It is rejecting my likes on other people’s posts unless I hit the like button 2 or 3 times. I wish wordpress would figure out their technical shit.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hilary Tan says:

        Ever since the last WP update it’s been rejecting my likes too, which is annoying. It could be a setting on this blog post but I’m not entirely sure. A while ago, I did something to the notifications and perhaps that’s why it’s fucked up now. It’s a mystery 🤷‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Athira says:

    Thank you for sharing such wonderful thoughts..Yeah I agree with your points, loneliness is the common feeling everyone come across. How to overcome those feelings is a challenge sometimes. You have covered almost all points through this post. Really appreciated👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Writeflow says:

    Yeah a lot . But one thing I learnt is that you are not alone they’re 7billion people ! But whom you’re staying with makes you feel lonely and inferior so if they do so stay away from them . These people are so fake 🤥. Learn to enjoy your own company. You know what I so badly want a day with just myself sipping tea on my couch with peace . Enjoy your life don’t wait for anybody!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Thank you for reading and commenting! 🙂🤗 As an adult, I certainly appreciate these calmer, quieter days. Yesterday I sat on the couch and sipped tea and I even took a hot bath! 🛁 It was nice.

      There are times when I do feel lonely, but loneliness is different than being alone. I don’t mind being alone but feeling lonely is a not-so-nice feeling.

      Liked by 3 people

  4. Poorwa Vishwakarma says:

    I haven’t been much active around the blogosphere lately but I’m so glad that I found this post. I could relate to all your points here and I don’t really think it’s something bad you know there are times in our lives when we all feel lonely, and it shows that we are not alone in this. We all will face it together and come out stronger .

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Hi Poorwa, thank you for taking the time to stop by and leave a comment. I completely understand how hard it is to find time to engage with the blogging community. I like your perspective on the topic of loneliness – knowing that we are not alone in this struggle and that we are in this together!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pooja G says:

    This is a really informative post. I never thought of myself as lonely but I could relate to many of the things you mentioned and I think I may be a little lonely. I have always thought of myself as someone who enjoys my own company but maybe I need to be around people more.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hilary Tan says:

      Hi Pooja, thank you for taking the time to read this blog post. I think you’re doing a far better job of posting about your adventures and seeing cool places than I am. It looks like you have a lot of fun travelling and being social. Getting out the house can definitely have an uplifting effect on one’s mood! 🙌

      Liked by 1 person

      • Pooja G says:

        I think I’m good at leaving the house but not necessarily socialising lol. I have been trying to go out more recently though and talk to new people. Yes absolutely it helps a lot 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  6. tianiangelahibbert says:

    Thank you for sharing such an informative post! I think it’s really important to catch these things before it can spiral into something else.

    Lately, I find writing in my journal or immediately reaching out to my cousin has been so helpful for me! Hope you’re doing well, Hilary!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. buddy71 says:

    Thanks for posting this (I’m echoing others) . I can see myself in a couple of the points, but I don’t really feel lonely. I have to chuckle at the one about talking to people, as I do this too. But I do like my solitude. It’s not that I don’t like being around people, I find that most of the people just annoy me. And what things they are interested in, I’m not interested in. But I have never been really a social butterfly. Lol. I would say I’m socially awkward. Which sounds kind of funny since I worked as a nurse and did teaching. But I do know I don’t like crowds, never have. Maybe it’s because I was only child and growing up even though I had friends in the neighborhood I enjoyed playing by myself. I know as a child all I wanted to be was an adult. So as a child my play revolved around being an adult or what I thought was adult play. Maybe that’s why I prefer to be behind the lens of my camera instead of in front of it. And why I never played video games. In groups of people I am The quiet One. I observe and listen. I guess that’s why I prefer the friendship of one other person to be around and do things with them as a couple and being out with a group of people. Because then I feel I’m still by myself. Being in solitude I really don’t feel lonely and I can be alone in a crowd. I know that sounds kind of creepy. LOL. Again thanks for this post, I really did like reading it and I also liked reading the comments from others.

    Like

  8. aana says:

    I recommend living happily among people. never allow unwanted situations and people to spoil your way of living and happiness.
    Motivation is my best policy to prevail among all types of people because i love to keep them with me.

    Like

  9. DEVANG UPADHYAYA says:

    Well, yes I do feel lonely sometimes as I can relate with many of the things mentioned here.
    I feel lonely and helpless. Sometimes, I wish to talk to someone on phone. Then, I realised I don’t have much options and not many would want to invest their time on me.

    Like

  10. popsiclesociety says:

    Sometimes I like to have some time for myself only (I think I’m too egoistic ☺️) but I also enjoy having my half to be by my side, lean on when needed and laugh and enjoy life…friends are great too for good company! People are different, some may need others around them and some may not but feeling lonely I guess it really sucks…A very well written post Hilary and good tips to look into when needed.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Belladonna says:

    This post was me through different parts of my life. Not having someone that I could turn to, have girl talk and vent was something I longed for.
    Over sharing is something my older clients do because they are elonoely and that tugs at my heart. You are so right about spending too much money for self care so that you feel better. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. liferuralarealife says:

    Very interesting about the shopping Hilary. I never realized that for years. However, now that I moved there really is no place to spend time shopping when I have days like that and I realized it was just a way to spend some time alone to push off the loneliness feeling.
    I think having some hobbies (or volunteer work) is a huge help in curbing loneliness. I never realized that talking a lot too, except in the elderly. Everyone gets lonely from time to time. What matters is how we handle it.

    Like

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